"Days of Wine and Roses - Living with an abusive relationship situation" by Kimberly Koerber-Bauer-Koerber

Male/Female Relationship

Uh-oh - Another side of Roanoke, Virginia...

I left the Roanoke Rescue Mission after two days there.  What went wrong there?


I felt
     * Locked up
     * Fear
     * Insomnia
     * Stuck
     * No One cares about me!
     * In a bad relationship to be stuck here
     * Crying all night for two nights - hard to sleep but not interested in taking anything for sleep
     *  Other people there were complaining about my crying and were not sympathetic.


About 'relationships' and brick walls

 I asked for my luggage which was taken out of a cage and I left Monday morning.  I don't know what to do next.  The Rescue Mission requires that people put 75% of their income toward housing, and the Mission 'holds ' this money - if the person has an income.  If you don't have an income, it looks like you have to live there for years.  Other clients said they lived there for years:  One client said two years, another said four years, another said five years.  The inside of the place smells very antiseptic and has metal bunk beds like a jail.  The ward or small room I was in has room for 24 women with no belongings and two toilets, and two shower stalls, one on each side of the bathroom.  People have to be in their beds by 9:00 pm and the women have no social or mixing time except for the cafeteria, which is at the other side of the complex and is 'off limits' after checking into the 'sleeping side'.

Fighting Faces - From Fotosearch.com

Mr. John Drilling, my fiance is disrespectful and disappeared all day yesterday.  I have no car, and cannot go anywhere so walked around alone. which Mr. Drilling wants me to do.  I went to two masses at St. John's Episcopal Church, one at 8:00 am and the other at 10:00 am then went to Good Samaritan House and then walked around in Roanoke more.  Roanoke is a nice, but somewhat small town.  On Monday, when I told Mr. Drilling that I did not want to move around from city to city and stay in shelters forever he got mean and said that he was breaking up with me he man has consistently given me but trouble and I have consistently written "Born To be Miserable", and applied for jobs with no result.  Drillling said that he wanted a woman who worked instead of a woman who wrote.  I then told the man off and there were witnesses to hear this around in the park at the time.  There was no physical violence.  Then Drilling said that he was going to the Homeless Outreach office to get a ticket for himself to leave.  He was also hit by a drunken driver as a cabdriver in Columbus, Ohio and is awaiting an accident settlement.  He has not applied for any jobs in Roanoke and keeps complaining about me not working but the man was 'supposed to be' my protection and fiance.  I do not get paid for my blog spot.  I would prefer to work at a job and not be trapped with him as much as he acts like he hates me.  Intermittently in all of this, Drilling tells me that he loves me and switches to making up with me, but we have not had intimate relations since leaving Columbus, Ohio which has not been about three months.  Drilling also now claims that i physically hit him at some point which never occurred at all.  Drilling said that he was at the Rom House yesterday but was there without me.  The man also says that he is now going to take me to court, but i did not do anything to him.


People assume that Drilling is my husband but we never got married because he said the i have to have my ex-husband's death certificate to marry him, according to an Asian Catholic priest in Greensboro, NC.  I consulted with other Catholics who said this is not true. The man tells people that he worked hard and got us a 'place' but the only place we ever had together was a room at  The Motel One on E. Main Street, In Columbus, Ohio and they were running a crack cocaine cartel from there.  They shut the motel down according to articles put on the internet after we left there.  Drilling and I have moved to various cities and each time have had to stay in the shelter there with no money.  He always hates the place before we are there for very long and wants to leave.  Legal help always shows up and is around him but never around me.  In addition to this, the man is angry all of the time and when I talk to another person, particularly if the person is a man, Drilling comes up with some kind of 'porn related' string of rhetoric and applies this to whatever man this happens to be with me to irritate me.  I have ignored this for a long time but other people see and hear this.  Instead of this, I wanted to be gainfully employed and paid. 


My two pieces of luggage are a problem also because Drilling complains about this loudly and now says that he has a 'cyst' on his aorta' and does not want to help me with luggage so that other people feel sorry for him.  The luggage or 'baggage' is not the only problem in this relationship.  We have been in a relationship since 2006-2007and the man has gotten more and more controlling over time.  He was a cabdriver in Columbus, Ohio but thanks to his irresponsible spending habits we still do not have a car and have to walk everywhere we want to go. 


I 'think' all of this is being done to enable a 'crook in a string' to use my Social Work degree and to force me to go on "disability' since I was supposedly, according to the crooks, mentally ill in high school anyhow and do not count.  My bachelor's degree was earned under the name of Bauer when I was married and is legitimate.  I also think at time that Drilling wants me to pay him but I have no money myself. 

Drilling says that the reason he will not go to the Episcopal Church or any other church is because he is "Catholic" and that the Catholic church is the 'true church' but he will not go to the Catholic Church either anymore.  He also walks around muttering to himself all of the time about "the bread and the wine" as if he is a Catholic priest, which is weird.  John says he does not want to be a Catholic priest. 

When I met Drilling, it was at The Salvation Army shelter in Wooster, Ohio after my house was robbed.  He looked and acted normal at the time, but since then he has degraded in all ways. 

My 54th birthday is coming up on July 17th and I have prayed repeatedly for a change but none has been forthcoming  except for me to get older and Drilling to degrade more and more.  I don't know what to do but work on the Field Analysis and do other writing. 

Drilling says he does not want to be mentioned on "Born To Miserable" and now is angry because he 'heard' this being written.  I think the man is sick and needs counseling.  I am hoping that someone will help him which will help me also.

I guess, it could be worse...... :(